It is what it fucking is

Hi, Im back. I know it’s been a while. I’ve been going through some stuff and I really couldn’t summon the will to write about it. But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and I’m ready to lay it all out there. A lot has happened in the last few months, so I’ll just go step by step.

First great news is we are all fully vaccinated. Its a wonderful feeling knowing that the family is protected. Its been such a tough year, for everyone. There’s finally an end in sight. Its been terrific starting to get together with friends and family again. It’s almost beginning to feel normal. So normal in fact that Ive already taken 2 vacations in June.

The first was a week visiting Figure 8 Island in NC. Sam and I met up with one of my oldest friends, Jane. She came with her partner Kevin, her daughter Jordanna and her husband Kelvin plus their children Maya (6) and Wyatt (1.5). It was relaxing but as you get older you forget the schedules of kids (5am wake-ups!), and all that energy. But we also got to get the snuggles and hugs and the reading of books together. I feel like we really reconnected and I got to know the kids better. Its hard because we don’t live near each other to begin with but it was really great to spend (and I HATE this phrase) quality time with everyone. The island was gorgeous and there was hardly anyone there so it was a good first try at vacations.

Two weeks later I took off for a Girls Week in the Red Neck Riviera, Myrtle Beach. I flew down and my sister-in-law Jen, her mom Jeanne, her daughter Taylor and her daughter Rose (1.5) plus Jen’s sons girlfriend Mary and her daughter Alayna (6) all drove from Pittsburgh. Again, it was wonderful to reconnect. I don’t think we ever have spent that much time together. It was great just hanging out, talking and being with the kids.

I haven’t been to Myrtle beach for about 30 years and its amazing the people you can see. We stayed at a hotel/condo/resort and had a “Penthouse” apartment which really only meant it had 3 bedrooms. However, whenever someone was was in the elevator with us and we pushed the PH button, there inevitably would be a “OOOOO, the PENTHOUSE”, we even got the question “Is it all gold and white marble up there?” Yes. Yes it is. Do you remember where you are? Oy. Was so grateful to my SIL for all the schlepping she did. She was a trooper as she got up at the crack of dawn to set up chairs etc. Which was excellent because the week before I had to go to the hospital.

I felt an ache in my left arm and after a few days Sam and I decided to get it checked out. After 7 hours in the ER, they found nothing. They were very thorough but had to follow up with cardiologist and still nothing. So I really couldn’t use my little dino arms as much as usual.

Now we get to the reason for the immense funk I’ve been in. GMA has really been kicking up. She has decided she no longer needs her pills and that I am the one who wants her to take them. She’s been to the dr multiple times to “discuss” her meds. Which have never changed. Because she’s crazy. She’s driving me there with her. Finally, through the work with my therapist, I got up the nerve to look into Assisted Living. It’s actually the best option for her. She’s lonely and she cant take care of herself properly, even with the helper. We went to see one place yesterday and she’s on the fence about the whole thing. But it’s happening. I feel like a great weight is beginning to lift.

Meanwhile, at one of the places I met a terrific woman named Cindy who showed me around. It turns out she’s a fellow cancer survivor and she wrote a book about her experiences. What a story. I read it all in one day. Her strength is inspiring. She’s amazing and if your interest is piqued, you can find her book here:

So now you’re up to date. Long road ahead but I think I see an end. Thanks to everyone thats been putting up with me through this. Its a lot, and I’m glad I have you with me.